9 Critical Tips For Adoptive Parents

There are some things I have found to be critical for parents caring for adopted children at any age.

1. Be aware of your own issues. Both you and your husband should seriously consider a bit of counseling pre-child just to be more in touch with any early stuff that has not been sufficiently integrated into your awareness. Generally adopted children are very stressed by nature of their early experience, regardless of how young you get them, and this stress can easily cause a deeper triggering of stress in the parents. So it will be very important to be in touch with your old stuff, because it is bound to surface at some point anyway. Okay that's the toughest one! smile
2. Give the baby lots and lots of skin on skin contact. In other words, as soon as you get that little tyke home, strip him or her down minus everything but a diaper, bare your upper body and have your husband wrap the two of you in a sheet in a manner that will allow you to continue to be mobile. Carry the baby all day long, as much as possible. Forget about that craziness of spoiling a child, it's not possible to spoil a child internally, only externally by buying it too much stuff! When you are not holding or carrying the baby, have your husband do it. This is very very important.
3. Get a king size bed, and practice the family bed for as long as possible, preferably til the baby is ready to transition into his own bed around toddler age. This can also be a very important thing, all of these things parents have some resistances too and this is generally why the early counseling is beneficial.
4. Let all of the extended family know up front that though you realize they all want to hold the baby and be cuddly, that he is very sensitive and frightened very easily, so only those who will be close by should hold the baby. Preferably grandparents and siblings that live close by and will have continual contact. Otherwise, no strangers and remember to the baby everybody is a stranger unless he sees them at least once or twice a week!
5. Have a support system. Babies are challenge anyway they come into your life, you'll need someone to talk to and support you even outside of your husband. Usually local pediatricians can be very good at feeling you find other new mothers. Don't be afraid to join groups.
6. I probably should have mentioned this first, your adopted child will be very sensitive and frightened easily. Be aware of this intimately. You might even consider getting my Raising Trauma video series just to be more educated about basic brain development and effects for these children. www.postinstitute.com
7. The less stimulation for the first year the better. Keep the lights down low, lots of soothing music, and minimal television. The greatest stimulation will be contact with you and your husband.
8. Dr. William Sears has the best stuff out on parenting young children through all of the stages, I suggest anything by him especially when others start giving you a hard time about carrying your baby and letting him sleep with you, just say "Dr.s Post and Sears say it's just fine!" smile
9. Know more than anything that you can be and will be a great parent. You will make mistakes but everyone does. When in doubt, ask. And don't ever ever be afraid to ask for help! I think you'll be great!
Many Warm Blessings, Dr. Post
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